To The Church I Grew Up In

To the church I grew up in. The youth group that I wish I had never stepped into. The self-hatred and overwhelming fear of hell that became a part of my everyday life. The harm caused that kept me from discovering my true self for another decade. The lifetime spent distrusting myself. The therapy I'm still going through to help myself heal from the trauma inflicted.

You were my childhood. You made me, for better or for worse. You were my community, but you were toxic and only loved me if I was good. Well, I'm not good anymore. At least not by your standards. But I am me. And I am whole. And I am better off without you.

Unfinished Poems

I'm Happy

There are Unfinished Poems

In my notebook

About You

Ones I started months back

When We were in Flux

Not wanting Us to end

But thinking we would

Stressful Times

Sad Times

Mournful Times

And out of these Times came the Beginnings of poems

That Echoed my

Stress

Sadness

Mourning

But

These poems were never finished

Stanzas left incomplete

Because You and I

Together

Found Our way Out of the Flux

You and I

Together

Hand in Hand

Found the Sunlight again

Those beginnings of Poems held an important place in my Life

Without Them

Without those Times

Without those Lines

We wouldn't be Here

But We are

And We are Happy

And I am Happy

That there are Unfinished Poems

In my Notebook

About You

Shadow

I go wherever she goes.

I simply can't help it.

She is the thing bringing me to life.

Without her, I am nothing.

I would simply cease to exist.

As clouds gather overhead,

My presence dims,

Something she never seems to notice.

When sunlight is full,

Dancing in her hair,

Causing her skin to glow,

I also become more bold.

The sunlight radiating off of her invigorates me,

Making me stronger.

I'm always there for her,

Her Silent Companion.

Following her through every heartache,

Every joy,

Every challenge.

Hoping one day she will notice me.

But that day will never come.

She sees me,

But I'm not really there.

She is my everything,

But to her I am merely

a shadow.