Identity Crisis

August 2013

I am a reluctant chameleon

Wanting to be blue, yellow, or red

Feeling pink, turquoise, and orange

In this poetic urban jungle

Toes and spine morph purple when I breathe

Wide-eyed surprise at belly green

Face-to-the-sun orange, arms reach for a hug

Trembling yellow toenail unwilling to submit

Tail between legs, I scurry away, trailing purple-green-orange

Mostly-yellow me pets the fading rainbow speckles

Under the protective leaf of my safe place

Until my rainbow-hunger lures me to the jungle again

Giving Birth

January 2014

I made love to myself

When I said no

To the tie that binds

New life fluttered inside

Waking me with nausea

So many changes

So much could go wrong

Lawyers

               Bank accounts

                              Rent payments

                                             Lists, lists, lists

I conquered morning sickness

One foot in front of the other

Embracing the complexity

Moving toward a future of my choice

Giving birth to new life

Cathedral

September 2013 on a bad day at grad school, escaping to an art gallery and noticing a stray blue thread on my shirt

Take refuge in hushed hall, white walls, focused light

Set aside the voices and demands; center on angles, palettes, depth

Blue thread from a loose hem is out of place, a tangled knot

I calm the thread between fingertips,

Pulling, pulling, pulling

Knots break free while mind absorbs

Soul struggles and heart celebrations depicted by earth and industry

Wood, clay, and metal of “Regress”

Shells, buttons, and textile of “Sampler”

Infinite blue thread winds around my fingers while mind engages

Self-aware portraits and mystical symbols

Thrown, dabbed, stroked on canvas, wood, glass

Bathe in the yellow of “Lizard’s Eye”

Float through the “Periwinkle Nebula”

Sense life seep into fingertips through eyes

Enter the sacred space of “Bling,” a thrift-store chair

Draped with black ink on leather and clay pendants

Shapes and words reveal memories, regrets, perceptions

Fingers quiet, thread heavy in hand, silence covers me

Drink the cup, break the bread, honor all of us

Interact by tying a reminder knot

Blue thread on a corner of her clay

I will remember this